the past few weeks have been hell... especially the last 2 weeks confinement that i had.... i was really stretched to the limits by the training and the standards imposed on us... there were times when i seriously thought bout quitting... i started thinking of ways and injuries that i could fake that could get me out of the damn course... i was that desperate.... the instructors were not helping either... it seems as though they all have something against me... saying things that i'm useless and stupid and that i don deserve to be there... messing up our bunks... throwing rubbish on the floor...i never thought that i would be affected by all this, especially those words that they say to me... i tried to ignore it, but after a while, it started to get to me.... all those words... i guess i'm juz mentally weak... i'm juz weak... i may be physically fit in the sense that when it comes to running and stuff like that, i can do it as well as anybody else.. but when it comes to combat fitness, when i go outfield for days straight without enough sleep every single day, i'm juz not able to take it... it didn't help that i saw and heard things in the jungle that bordered on the paranomal.... and it wasn't only me... my friends experienced "it" too.... it was crazy, and i honestly don know how i managed to get through the past 2 weeks... i missed having time to myself and not having to rush... a few more weeks and i'll be through... i can't wait.... but then again, it may juz turn out to be a false hope....


Riz lost himself at 11/01/2005 10:53:00 pm

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